Q: What is 50 cent called when he’s in Canada?
A: 58 cent
Two blokes are drinking in a bar.
One says, ” Did you know that Lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?”
“BUGGER !” says his friend. “And I just joined Rotary…..”
My Grandad was a fake blacksmith you know.
He worked in a forgery!
Q: What superhero uses public transportation?
A: Bus Lightyear!
Senator John McCain told Sean Hannity that choosing Sarah Palin was still the best decision he ever made. Well, today the Arizona DMV took away his driver’s license.
Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world?
Facebook is supposedly developing a new smart phone. If it’s really smart it won’t be letting it’s users spend so much time on Facebook.
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg apparently went hunting, killed a bison, nicknamed it “Billy,” then mounted its head on a wall. Yeah, then Zuckerberg was like, “Anyone else want to complain about the new Facebook Timeline?”
A dead body was discovered last week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth.
When she was told about it she was alarmed and asked, “It wasn’t me was it?”
“Fidel Castro declared that a robot would do a better job as president than Barack Obama. After hearing this, Mitt Romney thanked Castro for his endorsement.”
What’s the difference between Batman and a robber?
A: Batman can go into a store without robin!!
A guy’s going on a business trip and he has to take his secretary with him, and she’s really crazy about him. The first night on the Amtrak, she’s in the top bunk and he’s in the bottom bunk. She says, “Mr. Forsythe! Mr. Forsythe! I’m chilly! I think I need a blanket!”
He says, “Miss Schmitt, how’d you like to pretend you’re Mrs. Forsythe for a little while?
She says, “Oh, I’d like that.”
He says, “Then get you own damn blanket.”