Jokes Has It :D

Updates On Facebook

The maid did not show up for work so the house wife called her in an angry voice and scolded her.

“What is wrong with you? If you were not to come you should have told me.”

The Maid explained, “Ma’am I had already announced on my facebook page that I was taking a trip to Mexico for a week to see my family. Ma’am you should remain updated on Facebook. If you still had a question then you should have asked.”

Wife: “So you are on Facebook too?”

Maid: “Ma’am who is not? Every time I announce on Facebook your husband sends me well wishes, sympathy and help. This time he said have a nice trip home, enjoy and comeback soon as I will miss you. He pleaded, please save me from my wife’s cooking.”

No Menus

A guy goes into a restaurant and asks for a menu, but the waiter tells him, “We don’t have menus here. Our chef can make any dish you desire … in fact, if he can’t, we’ll give you one thousand dollars.”
The man sees a chance to make some money so he thinks of something impossible. “Bring me an order of hummingbird tongues on rye toast,” he tells the waiter, who returns fairly quickly with a plate. “One order of hummingbird tongues on rye toast. Will there be anything else?”The man thinks for a second, then says, “I’d like a bowl of lo mein made with rutabaga-flavored noodles that were imported from Bolivia by Paul Newman, accompanied by a croissant with exactly 429 caraway seeds and served on aquamarine-colored bone china from the Yuan Dynasty.” The waiter returns in a few minutes with a bowl. “One number eight. Will there be anything else?”The man thinks another second, then says, “Yes … bring me an elephant ear sandwich.” The waiter says disappears into the kitchen and returns with a thousand dollars in cash. “You did it, sir. You beat us.” With a broad smile, the man pockets the money. “Didn’t have any elephant ears back there, huh?” “Oh no,” the waiter says. “We have plenty of elephant ears. We just ran out of the big rolls.”

Supermen Jokes

Superman’s strength was beyond measurement. It could only be lost, little by little, if he enjoyed the company of a mortal woman.

One day, he ran into Lois Lane and she took him up to her apartment for an evening of entertainment. Each bout removed a tiny amount of Superman’s great power.

The next morning, Superman got out of bed, went to the window, lifted the shade, and went up with it!

Good excuse

A guy bought a new Mercedes and was out on highway 2 for a nice evening drive. the top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 140Km/h he suddenly saw red and blue flashing lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes, “he thought to himself and opened her up further. the needle hit 150,160…

Then the reality of the situation hit him. ” what in the world am I doing?” he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him took his license without a word and examined it and the car.” It’s been a long day,”said the cop “this is the end of the shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like doing anymore paper work, so if can give me an excuse for your driving that i haven’t heard before, you can go.”

They guy thinks for a second and says,” last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.”

Have a nice weekend,” said the office

Flipping A Coin

A little kid’s in school, taking a true-false test and he’s flipping a coin. At the end of the test he’s flipping the coin again.

The teacher says, “What are you doing?”

He says, “Checking my answers.”

Lion Tamers

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a man in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde woman about the same age. The circus owner tells them, “I’m going to be honest with you, this is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment: chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”

The girl says, “I’ll go first.” She ignores the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them and rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner’s mouth is on the floor. He says, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the young man and asks, “Can you top that?”

The young man replies. “No problem, just get that lion out of the way.”


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